Where is it in scripture?
There is a tendency to excuse sexism in churches because of a few scriptures, about women teaching, and about husbands being the head of the household. Okay, I can see how they can get that women can’t be pastors or deacons and how husbands are the head of the household from certain scriptures. I don’t agree with those interpretations; Paul also said that slaves are to obey their masters and we know it’s because in his time there were slaves, and that he wasn’t condoning slavery! So why do people think that Paul was condoning keeping women from doing certain things?
But, anyway, so some people hold to the interpretation that women can’t preach or be deacons and husbands are the head of the household. Fine. But what I don’t get is how the hell anybody can excuse treating a woman like dirt with the Bible?! Several church going women, including myself, have been abused just because of our gender. Where does it say in the Bible that a pastor can have a woman lead music but not recognize her? Where does it say that a pastor can have his secretary spend 60 to 80 hours a week tending to his and his family’s needs and wants for a paltry sum? Where does it say that a pastor can take advantage sexually of a young woman, actually lead her away from Christ, and then keep on preaching like it’s no big deal, because after all, she’s just a girl? Where in the Bible does it say that a president of a seminary can fire a Hebrew teacher because he doesn’t think women should be teaching men, after she had been an adjuct professor for 3 years and a full time professor for 4? (CF Sherri Kouda.) And where, oh where does it say in the Bible that when a woman gets raped, she must have brought it upon herself because of the way she dressed or acted? And where does it say that a woman is to stay in an abusive marriage and submit to her husband’s abuses? Where does it say that if a man has a sex before or outside of marriage, it’s a slight misstep, but if a woman does, she’s a slut? And where does it say that it was always the woman’s fault, anyway?
None of that’s in the Bible. In fact in Galatians, it says we are neither male nor female in Christ. We are all equal. God loves us all and we are of equal worth in God’s eyes. To commit or excuse sexism by using scripture is a travesty.
Control
I was writing an e-mail to a pastor, and I told him about the amount of control my mother in law’s pastor has over her – and that man had the same amount of control over me. You couldn’t disagree with the pastor; what he said was wrong, was wrong; what he said a Bible verse said, it says; and if you sin, you should tell him. And I realized something after I wrote that; it’s really creepy.
I mean, you shouldn’t be a butt-head to anyone, and many pastors really know a lot because of their education. And they can help if you get invovled into sin. But as far as getting control over people; that’s a sin. I’m sure most pastors don’t try to do that.
I’m not sure what the role of a pastor should be, nor am I sure of what a normal, healthy relationship between a pastor and a congregant should look like. I’m looking forward to finding out. I know it won’t happen overnight, but I know I have made progress in it. And my friend Karen has a healthy relationship with Louis. That’s been a good model for me, too.
I do know, however, what a healthy church looks like. Emmanuel is healthy. And City Edge seems to be off to a good start. I know I can be myself there. And Karen, she sent me a beautiful card, saying God wants me just as I am. And that’s one thing I need to remember.
I’m feeling more and more positive as time goes on. I’m glad I haven’t tried to “suffer in silence” and have been talking (usually e-mailing) to both Karen and Billy, as well as keeping in with the churchabuse group. This has helped me to expose my insecurities, and when I have been doing things just because, and when I start thinking in a way that’s self destructive.
