Where is it in scripture?
There is a tendency to excuse sexism in churches because of a few scriptures, about women teaching, and about husbands being the head of the household. Okay, I can see how they can get that women can’t be pastors or deacons and how husbands are the head of the household from certain scriptures. I don’t agree with those interpretations; Paul also said that slaves are to obey their masters and we know it’s because in his time there were slaves, and that he wasn’t condoning slavery! So why do people think that Paul was condoning keeping women from doing certain things?
But, anyway, so some people hold to the interpretation that women can’t preach or be deacons and husbands are the head of the household. Fine. But what I don’t get is how the hell anybody can excuse treating a woman like dirt with the Bible?! Several church going women, including myself, have been abused just because of our gender. Where does it say in the Bible that a pastor can have a woman lead music but not recognize her? Where does it say that a pastor can have his secretary spend 60 to 80 hours a week tending to his and his family’s needs and wants for a paltry sum? Where does it say that a pastor can take advantage sexually of a young woman, actually lead her away from Christ, and then keep on preaching like it’s no big deal, because after all, she’s just a girl? Where in the Bible does it say that a president of a seminary can fire a Hebrew teacher because he doesn’t think women should be teaching men, after she had been an adjuct professor for 3 years and a full time professor for 4? (CF Sherri Kouda.) And where, oh where does it say in the Bible that when a woman gets raped, she must have brought it upon herself because of the way she dressed or acted? And where does it say that a woman is to stay in an abusive marriage and submit to her husband’s abuses? Where does it say that if a man has a sex before or outside of marriage, it’s a slight misstep, but if a woman does, she’s a slut? And where does it say that it was always the woman’s fault, anyway?
None of that’s in the Bible. In fact in Galatians, it says we are neither male nor female in Christ. We are all equal. God loves us all and we are of equal worth in God’s eyes. To commit or excuse sexism by using scripture is a travesty.
Freedom of beliefs vs. uniformity of beliefs
On Monday of this week I talked to a pastor of a Fundamentalist Baptist church my husband has been going to. It turns out that I would be ineligible for membership unless I changed one of my beliefs – I believe that the gift of tongues is for today. This church also strongly disagreed with contemporary Christian music, which I listen to a lot.
I myself am a Baptist, although definately not Fundamentalist, and I do not believe that everyone who is spirit filled is going to speak in tongues. So the way I believe in the gift actually lines up with the way that a lot of non-Pentecostals who believe in tongues believe. But that pastor that I spoke to, he and his church takes a cessationist viewpoint in regards to tongues and the other “sign” gifts – that they ceased as the New Testament was finished.
So that brings me to the question – how much uniformity of beliefs is too much to expect? Is it wrong to expect that everybody in a church is going to believe the same thing? On the opposite side of the coin – how much freedom of beliefs is too much? Would it cause anarchy if people didn’t believe the same thing? And what are “essential points” to require people in the church to agree on? What are non-essentials to allow more freedom and liberty on?
I think that I can write a hundred pages on the answers to these questions, because I don’t really think there are any hard and fast answers. I don’t think it’s wrong for a church to require people to believe the same thing on all essential and even many minor points, such as tongues, music, dancing. Also, what some groups might think are minor, others view as major. Nor do I think it is wrong for a church to say “Okay, as long as you agree with us on essentials, such as salvation, you can disagree on points such as tongues, dancing, music, etc.” Both stances have their advantages and disadvantages.
A church that requires strong uniformity of beliefs has the advantage of being able to say “This is what we believe on this, this, this, this.” People know what stance to take on everything. Some people find that very comforting, and can really grow in Christ, when they don’t have to try to come up with very many answers on their own. This type of church has a purity of doctrine. That is the upside of that. The downside is a church like that appeals to a very limited group of people. If a person doesn’t agree with them, they can’t be part of them. Also, if a person who is a member and finds their beliefs start to change, they might find themselves excluded or even abused. Arguments can break out and quickly become very heated if someone believes differently than the “accepted belief” on anything.
A church with more freedom of beliefs appeals to a wider variety of people. Also, people are allowed to come up with more answers on their own in their Bible Studies. This results in intellectual and faith exercises which really encourage people to grow in their walk with Christ. They do not have to worry about coming up with something that would result in their being excluded from their church or people in their church getting mad at them. That is the upside. The downside is, with too much freedom, some people feel like fish out of water, and would have a hard time growing. Also, sometimes what happens is something that is against an essential doctrine gets taught. Sometimes, also, the doctrine the church teaches gets weak.
So which is better? Insist on uniformity of beliefs, to keep doctrines pure, even though you will exclude many people, or allow more freedom and take the chance of doctrines getting watered down? I don’t think there’s any real answer to that. I myself prefer the freedom approach, and just make sure that the essentials of doctrine, such as salvation, do not get watered down. But that’s my own preference.
Taking God’s grace and mercy seriously
I have been thinking about this. Which is easier to take more seriously? Is it easier to take sin is bad and there are things that we as Christians should do seriously, or is it easier to take God’s grace and mercy seriously? I don’t think that the answer is as plain as it seems to be at first glace.
We all love to know that we are loved. We all love to know that God’s grace and mercy covers our sins, right? But, even so, I do not think that today’s church in general always takes God’s grace and mercy seriously.
We know what’s wrong, what’s a sin – and we do it anyway. And we beat ourselves up for it. We also know that, as Christians, there are things we should do for good. And we beat ourselves up when we fail to do that, too. All too often, also, the church helps us in beating ourselves up when we do what we shouldn’t and don’t do what we should. But should we not also turn to God’s grace and mercy?
I’m not saying that we should ignore it when we do wrong, or when we neglect to do right. Far from it. I am also not saying we should let sin reign in our churches. What I am saying is that God is full of grace and mercy, and Christ’s blood covers our sins. God doesn’t expect our own blood, and He doesn’t expect us to do blood letting on some poor guy or girl that has been caught in sin. No, the Holy Spirit guides us into all truths, and He convicts us of our sin in a way that is beneficial to draw us back to God. We don’t need to heap guilt upon ourselves or others; indeed, that is counterproductive.
Galatians 5:1 says it is for freedom Christ has set us free. We can only see and enjoy that freedom when we take God’s grace and mercy seriously. If we spend all of our time worried we are going to mess up, then we do not have that freedom. Likewise, Christ said His yoke is easy and His burden is light. But how easy is the yoke or light the burden when we are so weighed down trying to be absolutely perfect?
Realization
When I was driving home tonight, I decided to pray. And I realized something. It was like God just turned the lightbulb on. The realization is this: that because of Jesus, I can, everybody can, come directly to God. Oh, I had known that long ago, but I’m not sure I really knew that. I come to God, as me, same as any pastor or church leader. I can read the Bible myself, same as any pastor or church leader. What I’m getting at is equal standing before God. I hadn’t been taught that to begin with; I had been taught that pastors have greater standing before God, closer to God, than anybody else, but that isn’t true. I don’t doubt that most pastors know more about the Bible than I do, though.
Identity Crisis
I realize that I am going through a bit of an identity crisis. Ever since I became a Christian, actually before that, when I first started going to church at age 18, I have been taught that “good” Christians are conservative – fundamentalist. (Maybe I was taught that at first because I was saved in a conservative Baptist church?!) But, anyway, my mother-in-law believes that, and even my husband, Arnold, does. Arnold just thinks he’s not usually a good Christian.
And me, I’m getting more into the Word now, more into church, want to surrender more to God, and to Christ, and I caught myself thinking waaaay down deep “Now I have to be conservative-fundamentalist again.” The thing is, I’m not conservative or fundamentalist. I’m a moderate in a lot of ways. And it’s okay to be a moderate. I mean, I don’t believe in abortion, and I do think that homosexuality is wrong, but I also believe that people have to make their own way. And I also believe dancing is good, I think “secular” music is okay, and I believe that it’s okay that people have differing interpretations of the Bible. I also definately don’t agree that women aren’t supposed to be pastors; I think that’s reading a little too much into one verse and ignoring others. I also think that saying women are supposed to submit to their husbands – well, not only does that not only not work in some cases, but also abusive husbands can twist that to mean that women are supposed to be abused! I see that the conservative – fundamentalist movement has some sexism in it, and I do not like that. Not only that, but I don’t think the Bible itself is sexist. So, even though I have been taught that all “good” Christians are conservative – fundamentalist, there are some parts in which I see that conservative fundamentalism stretches some points biblically. No wonder I want to be a moderate, and no wonder I’m having a little bit of an identity crisis.
Forgiveness and healing
Part of my background is spiritual / sexual abuse. I will probably end up talking about that abuse a lot in my blog. This post, however, is not of the abuse; it is about forgiveness.
I have forgiven my abuser; lest that sound really spiritual and magnamonious, I will let you know something – the only way I myself could go on with healing is by forgiving him. Allowing hate and bitterness to stay in my life for something that has happened almost twenty years ago – well that would destroy me. So I had to let go for me.
I will not, however, be in contact with him at all. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean a heart to heart talk and a restoration of relationship. It’s good to restore relationship when possible, but it’s not always possible. In this case, my abuser is a scripture twister and a dangerous person emotionally and spiritually. Forgiving people never means putting yourself in danger. It means letting go of the anger and bitterness, coming to terms with what has happened, and hoping that the abuser gets the help he needs and caring about him as a person. I like the way one counselor of mine put it. Suppose someone at church doesn’t like you, and she slaps you in the face when you see her in the lobby of the church. You want to make amends with this person, but every time you see her she slaps you. After a very short time you are going to avoid her, and realize that although you can forgive this person, if you have contact with her it is going to hurt!
And that brings me to my second point, healing. When you forgive someone, you do not usually experience immediate healing. And the healing process is a long one. I do suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, and a lot of “Church things”; certain hymns, bible passages, even certain church names, architecture and certain passages are triggers. Forgiveness and healing are definately two different things.
I am going to use a few examples here to illustrate the difference between forgiveness and healing. One of them, believe it or not, is horse poop. (I was hiking today and saw some horse poop; that gave me the idea.) Say that I’m walking along and step in some horse poop. I like horses and I forgive the horse for pooping on the trail. And I can forgive the horse, maybe even meet up with it, pet it, and make friends with it; but if I don’t stop and do the smelly yucky job of removing the horse poop from my shoe, well, I still have horse poop on my shoe. So I guess you can say the healing process is removing the horse poop. You have to get up close and personal with the poop of the past, even if you’ve forgiven the person who’s pooped on you, and get out all those bad thoughts and teachings.
Or, if you don’t like the silly example of horse poop, consider this. Say I am riding a bicycle and my friend, who’s driving a car, hits me solely because she’s talking on a cell phone, and my leg gets broken. I love my friend and I forgive her for not paying attention and hitting me. My leg, however, is still broken, and it still needs healing. I will still have to see the doctor; I will still have to maybe have surgery; I will still have to have x-rays and a cast. Two weeks from now, four weeks from now, the cast will still be on my leg, and I will still have pain, even though I have forgiven my friend long ago. And same as is healing from trauma. With spiritual abuse, scripture has been twisted like crazy, as has the role of pastor, and the view of God, the church in general, and the denomination. Even the view of self has been twisted like crazy. And when spiritual abuse is sexual, it is that much the more twisted. And since everything a person could go to for comfort – the curch, the Bible, pastors – is in the center of that twisting, everything is that much more the worse. Untwisting all of these twists takes good teaching, lots of counseling, patient leaders, and a lot of time. Lots and lots of time. And while I know I’m not completely healed yet, I know I am on the right path.
Reconciliation
I was listening to the radio this morning, and Jeremy Camp’s song “Sweetly Broken” came on. A couple of lines from that song caught my attention: “I was under Your wrath, now through the cross I’m reconciled.” It got me thinking. We have been reconciled to God through the cross. No matter what our personality, what issues we have, what illnesses we might struggle with, even what sins we struggle with, we are reconciled to God. It is a glorious reconciliation that can never be taken away, no matter what difficulties the future might hold, or how we might fall. And He holds us all.
