Losing myself?
Eeek! I think I’m kind of losing myself. Got a little discouraged yesterday. Anyway, I guess what I’ve been doing is reading blogs, listening to sermons, getting involved in internet forums, getting involved with friends, and even reading the Bible without really considering how I feel about these things, these people, and what it means to me. And, as a result, I feel like I am sort of losing myself. Also, yesterday I was going on not enough sleep, and also some other physical stuff, and that also affected how discouraged I was. I’m not nearly as discouraged today, and, in fact, I am starting to look forward to what I can discover about myself in light of the healing that I have gone through, and in light of the fact I now know that God died for me, too.
A friend of mine gave me some good advice – to think on what I am passionate about. My pastor also gave me good advice when I told him on Sunday that I’m thinking about taking some seminary classes – he said to never look upon the Bible as just a textbook; that it’s the living, breathing Word of God. Oh, I know that he was talking about something different, seminary, not looking for identity, but the not looking at the Bible as a book, but the living, breathing Word of God, that’s good stuff. And also I came up with something on my own – write down things that I know is true about myself, and what I’m trying to do / be, that I’m not sure is 100 percent true about myself. And I know one thing is true about myself – I love Arnold. I know that he’s not 100 sure about what I’m becoming, but I know that’s something we will have to go through. I also know another thing that’s true of myself – people, especially hurting ones. I like to help when / if I can. I also know that I like to write, and although I feel deeply for people, I need a lot of alone time, and time I don’t do much. I like to play video games, but not really involved ones. I like things like solitare, minesweeper, scrabble, majonng, sudoko, and stuff like that. Games that are very simple, word or puzzle games. I don’t really like role playing games, because when I’m playing games, a part of myself is thinking about things and who I am, so role playing games really defeats the purpose of playing games for me.
